the wait

I am about 5-6 dpo today! I am so excited that I actually O'd this time, I've just now starting thinking about when I'm going to test. Which, I think will be next Tuesday (somewhere around 12 dpo). So now that I have officially acknowledged the 2ww, it will drag on, and eventually stress me out to the point that I will probably end up crying somewhere around Monday. I'll let you know...

Guess I am

a douche, that is. Because folks, it looks like I O'd!!! Sweetness, I am pumped! And, we had good timing too, so I really think I have a BIG shot this month! But, let's not get too excited just in case - the let down is much worse then. So, I only have to wait about 10 more days before I can pee on a stick. Yay.

Worries

Still no O. And now I'm beginning to worry. The last time I fully charted, it seemed to be an annovulatory cycle (I didn't ovulate) and this one is starting to show signs of it as well. I know I may be getting paranoid too soon, but it's what I'm good at. So if it is true that I am not ovulating anymore (at least not very often) I have no idea what I will do! We cannot afford any kind of fertility treatments right now! I guess I will look into natural cures (since I prefer to go that route in all other areas of my life anyway). So just in case, does anyone out there know of any?

Now that I wrote that, I am probably Oing today and will look like a big douche. Or at least I hope so!

6 years!

Our anniversary is today - 6 years! And can I tell you I am worn out?! ;-) I'm still not sure if I've O'd yet, so we still have more to come, but we definitely started out with a bang. So, we shall see...

Charting slacker

I have never sucked this bad at charting. I'm on CD 14 and only taken 3 temps. 2 of which are pretty useless due to lack of sleep and/or waking up late. I've been pretty good with CM, so hopefully I'll still be able to figure out O time. Which I am still thinking will be this weekend. But good news is that Jason may not be leaving Monday, so we have a little more time. Oh, and I picked up a little something from here for tomorrow!

Gearing up

OK, for any and everyone that is reading this, please pray that I O this weekend, preferably Sunday. Jason gets home Friday night and my plan is to have him almost to the point of hating sex by the time he leaves Sunday night/Monday morning (yes, I'm sure it's more than you want to know, but that's just how I roll) . Bonus is that our anniversary is Sunday, so we have Saturday night all to ourselves: A is spending the night with my parents!

And on a less TMI note, my cousin and his wife are having a boy. So we can all let out a huge sigh of relief, because there was a good chance if it was a girl, he would have sent her back.

back at it

I took my first temp since probably December this morning. And of course, I managed to screw it up on the first day. When my alarm went off, I forgot I was temping since it's been so long, so I just laid there like I usually do when I don't want to get up. Then, after about 5 minutes, I remembered I was temping again, so I took it. And it was a little high, I think. Of course I was also awake at 4:30 when Jason left, so I didn't get the allotted "3 hour" time span either. Oh well, hopefully I'll do better tomorrow. And please pray that I O this weekend, 'cause if not, it's a definite no go since Jason is OOT again during the week.

birthdays, moon pie and techno

Oh, but I forgot to add the good part:

At the end of our lunch, Natahle and I are just sitting there, when all of a sudden the restaurant speakers come on and this obnoxious techno music starts blaring over the radio. And then I realize what the song is: Happy Birthday. Natahle and I just stare at each other, laughing while both of our faces turn red because this kind of stuff embarrasses us. The entire staff comes over to the table (the techno Happy Birthday is still playing), one is carrying a small plate with a moon a pie and a candle, and another has a tiny digital camera on a tripod (seriously). Nat and I are just speechless as all this is happening. Adia blows out the candle for me, and then they take my picture. It. was. awesome.

Oh, and I now have my own set of fancy chopsticks that I get to use every time I eat there. Hands down the best birthday celebration at a restaurant.

Yep, she's it.

So, yesterday was the big day. 30 came and went with little fanfare, and that was nice. Although, my party isn't until tomorrow night, so that's when I really get to deal with how old I am...

Anyway, Natahle took me to a great sushi lunch yesterday at Wasabi's. It was delicious! Our server was a sweetie, but a bit naive. And here is my reasoning for this:
Natahle mentioned it was my birthday and the fact that I was 30 got thrown in there somehow. Adia was with us, being adorable and ornery as usual. First, our server won points for being shocked that I was 30, because she said I didn't look it at all. But, she then lost all points when she got this amazed look on her face, pointed to Adia and said "You're 30 and she's your only child?" She said it with such innocence, that I knew she wasn't trying to be rude or hurtful, so I just smiled and said yes. But inside, for a few seconds at least, I wanted to cry.

And that's it. It's not the turning 30 that is hard for me. It's what I wrote before about turning 30 and not being PG. And it was especially hard since AF showed a few days prior. But it isn't easy telling this to people. One, it makes me more vulnerable than I am comfortable with (even though I try to be open about it) and two, many people don't want to hear it because, really, what do you say to that?

Why would I expect something different?

I knew I shouldn't have even acknowledged the nausea the other day. Just bringing it up was going to jinx me. 'Cause it looks like I'm heading to my 30th birthday not pregnant. And, the end of February marked 6 months since my m/c, so I may be a bit bitter at the moment. Though I'm not sure why I've even been wondering if I'm KU at all, since this was a break month. (Oh yeah, it was probably because I was hoping that we would get surprised by a BFP this month, since I should have been more relaxed from all the not-trying :::rolls eyes:::)

So, I'm thinking the break is over. I'm pulling out all the stops this time. Although I'm not too sure what that means...

Rationalizing irrational thoughts.

I am nauseated, therefore I must be KU. Even though we weren't trying, and even though I took an insane amount of vitamins and supplements this morning, a few on an empty stomach, and even though I seem to feel this way every month, I am sure it's real this time. Yep, positive.

turning 30

I am going to be 30 very, very soon. I'm not so concerned with turning 30 as I am with only having 1 child and not being KU again turning 30. And since we want at least 3, if not 4 kids, I'm getting a bit anxious. I know I'm just being silly and 30really isn't old for even starting a family anymore. I guess it's just that I always *thought* I would have or be close to having at least 2 kids by now. Damn my expectations!